Door locked behind me because I can’t trust the neighbours I stand out front of the building. All the snow still rests on top of telephone lines, branches and street signs. It looks like a holiday card, a fake village theme park, the set of a movie. I light a cigarette. When I exhale I can’t tell what’s breath or smoke, if this is real or not.
And I need all the reasons I can find not to hate myself. But it’s hard. Even the idea makes me shiver. Because I see loving myself like looking down on others. Riding around on a high horse. And I never want to think I’m better then the people I see on the street. The ones who have it rough. The ones who don’t fit in. The ones I see my own face in.
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