Un et soixainte-quinze the clerk demands which breaks me from my reverie of dying in a field like a beast. The angst I’m filled with fades. I place my change on the counter. I look at the scratch and win lottery tickets but know my future isn’t in their bright and shiny colours. Bonne journée he says as he takes my money. I tell him toi aussi. But I’m not sure I mean it.
And I need all the reasons I can find not to hate myself. But it’s hard. Even the idea makes me shiver. Because I see loving myself like looking down on others. Riding around on a high horse. And I never want to think I’m better then the people I see on the street. The ones who have it rough. The ones who don’t fit in. The ones I see my own face in.
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