It’s what I was chasing. I wanted to surrender. To admit my defeat in the face of a society I didn’t see myself a part of. Continuing never appealed. Alcohol consoles. Speeds up the end. Two birds with one stone. I gave up on that too though.
And I need all the reasons I can find not to hate myself. But it’s hard. Even the idea makes me shiver. Because I see loving myself like looking down on others. Riding around on a high horse. And I never want to think I’m better then the people I see on the street. The ones who have it rough. The ones who don’t fit in. The ones I see my own face in.
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